yes yes yes. no. yes yes yes.

beneath me you are this thick muck
what i said is "gravy"
you just kick me awake
in the middle of the night i smoke
some old stale tobacco from a drawer
i speak about what this house needs
washing from the head down
i mutter enough about my hands
never feel clean after scrubbing
i wash them again wishing
you beneath my thumbnail
how i am not some ring finger or
what if i am just a fuck you finger

i should stop letting her through
these doors before i walk in first
i am supposed to
command some presence
so i say, here i am
no i say, HERE i am
no HERE I AM i say
i don't like repeating you so
many times i tell myself the same thing
never changes or
maybe they do and i won't notice
until i die i won't have children to sit
at my grave- tell me stories
sing me a bird song that everything is
same way i left it- lie to me because i won't
know the difference between a bird

song or sleep sound the same
when i am dreaming i think
about some little boy too weak
he pulls only one tangerine
of the tree each day by the end
the year is full of rotten berry juice
i can't help but drink it
it will make me stronger or
make me sick of donuts
you repeat yourself about
some sugar on the corners
my mouth says where?
your tongue points it out shutting me down
when did you stop asking questions
when did you start speaking in bubbles
maybe it was last Spring
i hardly knew you then Spring came
i hardly know you
except
by the flowers you keep
which i've never seen so i make names
each petal & each stem
your kitchen is so crowded w/
all the plant families every morning
always packing up to move into the sunshine
state of mind i'm in

jelly filled donut dreams
i used to think all this dough worthless
used to pity all the empty insides
so we filled them
w/ gravity
w/ sleep
w/ ears
w/ feelings
eating as much shit as we could
becoming extra calories
of imperfections of boring
what i said is
i just cannot repeat myself
again i just said i cannot repeat
myself is so afraid of pushing tin
succeeding alone & having no one
to thank

at some over priced award ceremony
the clock just keeps moving in place
even when i turn my back to it
even after onehundredyears
when i close my eyes at it
& repeat myself
i like to ask what time is it
in some country i've never loved
you always know &
never get mad at repeating yourself
oceans don't have time zones
i am not salty enough
to be an ocean i can sting