When people call me Christ,

Christ, I don’t know, I assume

Something different for him. I

Assume the absent G in Jesus.

Gsus Christ can be an ok dude

Given the right circumstances

Or weather. It’s getting cold

Outside, for instance, and the

Grass has been let go to grow

One last time before I hate my

-self and I haven’t even let my

-self float down a fucking river,

But my desire is way too deflated

After my friend Katie had to be

Taken to the emergency room

After letting herself float down

 a river too cold for her body to

not get hypothermia, and it was

like one hundred and four degrees

outside when it happened and I

think that’s pretty fucked up. Think

about it. I mean Gsus. Her experience

sounded pleasantly disorienting, a tough

ride on those roads you only ride down

in summer, like with a long tunnel or the

longest wrapping paper tube you’ve ever

seen through with mild to moderate deliria.

So maybe I will float down a river before I

Just wont or just can’t or what if I died or

Lost my ability to walk or see or smell before

I ever get a chance to. I’m going to be ok if

I don’t because I really don’t see myself

Dying or getting any sicker than I already am,

And there really isn’t any kind of scenario

I can hypothetically put my future into that

Ends with me being a quadri/paraplegic, which

Is likely what I would still think if, say, I some

-how did become paraplegic, it would be very

Difficult for me to put myself in a hypothetical

Situation where I would ever become a quadri

-plegic . I think the worst of it is, though, my

Heart would ache as much as it does now and

I can run right out of this house right this very

Moment but know I will never do that again.

I’m terrified of becoming something I know I

Could never be. But I’m already sick. I’ve always

Been sick because of my courage to know what

I know or don’t know when they’re really just

The same damn thing. Like meeting people in

New places and becoming friends with them

Only so they fill the absences your other friends

Previously held. I feel guilty for that a lot and know

I probably shouldn’t but I’m just too Paul-less and

Justin-less and Mike(y)-less to be bothered with 

Harvesting their replacements. Sometimes when

Nothing meets nothing absolutely NOTHING happens

Like right now I’m just writing in this really weird way,

I feel like this is what Paul feels like when he riffs away

For awhile. And that’s probably the completely wrong

Way to go about understanding my sickness, but some

-times it’s just stupid to be afraid to start something.

Sometimes it’s just really hard to quit what you know

You probably should like taking drugs or drinking insane

Amounts of alcohol every day or having life be just

As helpful to itself as life would be blasted from a canon

While you were in a coma. I mean, you could technically

Say you were shot out of a canon in your life, but first

Of all, no one would believe you, and second of all,

Why would you want to do that anyway if you could just

Sleep literally all the time? I write so much more poems

In my sleep. I am more or less the most famous poet

I’ve ever encountered when I’m sleeping. Not in my

Dreams, but the retrospective contentment and lack

Of desire to even know what a poem is that makes

For some of the best lines or grouping of lines I’ve

Ever thought about. I rarely care about what people

Say to me, but not because I don’t think it could be

Helpful or hurtful or pleasant or lame, but because

I’m so so tired whenever that happens, which is a lot

Of the time, that I physically cannot hear what people

Are saying. That’s only somewhat true, but you get

The idea. But here’s the most important part of my

Entire poem. It’s been asked, by my mother specifically,

If there are any poems that aren’t so sad, and the answer

Is no. But not because poems can’t not be sad, it’s because

Poems aren’t ever sad. If that’s difficult for you to understand,

Well then read sad poems a lot but when you start feeling

Yourself becoming less of yourself because you’re sad or

Lonely or just nothing, think about Paul Clark starting the

Row row row your boat song and eventually everyone

In the entire world singing row row row your boat, 

because it is all joy.